Periodic Table of Death

Krypton (Kr) is colorless, odorless, tasteless (Hey. Like iocaine powder) exceptit is chemically inert, which means it really doesn’t react with anything (1). Itis essentially harmless. Or is it?All the noble gases can asphyxiate if you visit a small unventilated space that is full of Kr and not full of enough oxygen or have friends in low places because Kr is five times heavier than air. The only upside is that Kr has a whole-body narcotic effect, so death is relatively painless. There is a radioactive version, Kr-85, that is highly toxic (2) and can cause all kinds of cancer …

It’s your birthday. What better way to celebrate than to go out on the town and drink until you wobble in your boots? (Shout out to the NMSU Aggies) In the bar, you see a drink billowing smoke, think it’s cool, and order two. The waiter drops your shots on the table, pours in liquid nitrogen at a temperature of −196°C (−320°F), and you quickly down them to the boisterous cheers of your friends. The contents settle in your warm gut with freezing intensity, the liquid nitrogen rapidly expands to N2 gas at 700 times its volume (1) … and …

In the immortal words of Miss Mona Lisa Vito: Imagine you’re a dee-ah. You’re prancin’ along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook. You put your little dee-ah lips down to the cool clear what-ah… BAM! Marisa Tomei received an Oscar for her role as Miss Vito in the movie My Cousin Vinny (1992). Click on the link (1) to watch the whole scene, ‘cause it’s hilarious and hard to write her accent but be warned. It’s NSFW (2). Now, imagine 66 million years ago, a duck-billed hadrosaur, the dee-ah of the Cretaceous, was prancin’ along, got thirsty, spotted …

In 79 A.D., a catastrophic volcanic eruption rained ash, rocks, and death down on Roman cities in southern Italy. Pyroclastic flows, superheated gaseous clouds measuring 700°C (1300°F) swept down the sides of Mt. Vesuvius (1), vaporized everything in their paths, including the cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum, and every living creature inhabiting them and the surrounding countryside. This area of Italy is where my people are from. In fact, right next to the region of Campania, where Mt. Vesuvius rests, is Basilicata and its capitol city, Potenza. One day, I think I’ll go there and become their queen. Paesano! This …

Raise your hand if you’ve heard of the Hindenburg disaster. You know, where the largest dirigible ever built, the pride of Nazi Germany and filled with the lighter than air hydrogen (H) gas, burst into flame attempting to land on its transatlantic voyage to the United States? The one that killed 36 passengers and crew? Put your hand down and gather ‘round, because I want to tell you a story about one of the crew members who perished. The only one who was actually on the ground. So let’s travel back to Lakehurst, New Jersey, on May 6th, 1937 (1). …